October 17, 2017, 04:25:30 am

Author Topic: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards (Done! Read em' and weep!)  (Read 8361 times)

Bious

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #50 on: October 05, 2015, 10:14:03 am »
Waiting on @Cobalt.
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Cobalt

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #51 on: October 05, 2015, 10:45:59 am »
I went to do them last night and the site was down all day.

I'll do them when I get home.
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Synonym

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #52 on: October 06, 2015, 02:08:59 am »
2/3 of judges have submitted their marks. Just waiting on Hecatom.
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Join us. Baptize yourself in the Brine, and call yourself a Brother of mine.
Lustful moans can be heard from the girls bathroom. Several moments pass and Synonym steps out of bathroom wearing only his pants. It seem's that Fleur's Chamber of Secrets isn't such a secret to his wand anymore.

RadicalFuzz

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #53 on: October 06, 2015, 11:00:10 am »
Just waiting on Hecatom.

"I owe you a judgment Part 1" incoming.
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DrWilgy

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #54 on: October 07, 2015, 04:33:23 am »
*crickets die*
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God damn wiggles, that's one of the best deaths I've had.

Synonym

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #55 on: October 07, 2015, 04:45:47 am »
>Expecting black people to work.

inb4 edit: I'm the only white judge.
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Join us. Baptize yourself in the Brine, and call yourself a Brother of mine.
Lustful moans can be heard from the girls bathroom. Several moments pass and Synonym steps out of bathroom wearing only his pants. It seem's that Fleur's Chamber of Secrets isn't such a secret to his wand anymore.

Bious

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #56 on: October 07, 2015, 09:00:03 am »
Giving @Cobalt until end of tomorrow and then I'll just do his part.
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DrWilgy

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #57 on: October 07, 2015, 02:19:55 pm »
Eyy Cobalt, y'know what you could've been doing instead of cards against humanity last week?  Skizzzgasm
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God damn wiggles, that's one of the best deaths I've had.

Bious

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #58 on: October 08, 2015, 06:59:10 pm »
Bae has failed me for the final time. Give me a bit and I'll announce results.
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Bious

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Re: Mock Write-Up Assessment #3: Warriors and Wizards
« Reply #59 on: October 09, 2015, 12:41:45 am »
Results:

Synonym:
Spoiler for Hiden:
Aidebit won round one DBZ for me.

JasonC had too many pictures and it ruined the flow. One or two would have made him the winner because I liked his writing better.

Dr Wilgy lost points for not writing it drunk and being a little bitch.

Round 2 was won by Dr. Wilgy with a tie for which write-up I hated least going to Aidebit and JasonC.

Aidebit's story didn't flow very well but it conveyed all the required actions.
JasonC's had a better narrative but lacked actions and was factually very wrong. Points that are wrong include:
-His son's first name is Albus not Severus.
-It's spelled Gryffindor
-You can't apparate on Hogwarts grounds
-It's "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"
-Stupefy Insidious is not a real spell, at least make it the Avada Kedavra, which you misspelled in the next paragraph anyway

Dr Wilgy lost points for factual errors too but his bonus points for my threesome scene carried the day.

Overall summary:
-Jason writes excellent narratives but needs to keep in mind the short attention spans of players and that a billion images chews all my data and makes me instantly hate you.
-Aidebit needs to work on the flow of his write-ups. He is very good at conveying the actions as well as who perpetrated them, but they jump randomly throughout the write-up.
-Wilgy needs to work on meeting deadlines, writing drunk like a real man and maintain the underlining and summation of actions at the end of each paragraph. I actually really like that and would like to see it implemented more often.

Bious:
Spoiler for Hiden:
Focusing on grammar:
jasonC made the fewest grammatical mistakes.
Aidebit made quite a few.
DrWilgy needs to pick up a gadamned writer's guide.

Cobalt Bious:
Spoiler for Hiden:
Theme and Impact:
JasonC's DBZ writeup was funny, short, and sweet, but relied too much on images. It was probably the best writeup. His HP one was pretty below average due to it feeling a bit... bare.

Aidebit's two writeups were both average but his bonus writeup boosted him a bit, especially since it was pretty good.

Wilgy's writeups were below average and felt weaker than the others.

All in all I'd say jason and Aidebit managed to tie for 1st, and poor Wilgy is in 3rd.
Have a nice day!
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✰Alpha✰

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jason wins for making Syn mad about Harry Potter semantics. btw, Thundaga is my favourite Harry Potter spell and my wand's made with Cactuar extract.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2015, 02:00:28 am by ✰Alpha✰ »
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Lynch: RadicalFuzz
Quote from: tortugagrande
That bio is the douchiest thing I have read all year, and I am an editor for yeswearedouchebags.com.

Synonym

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jason wins for making Syn mad about Harry Potter semantics. btw, Thundaga is my favourite Harry Potter spell and my wand's made with Cactuar extract.

I put on my wizard hat and robe.
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Join us. Baptize yourself in the Brine, and call yourself a Brother of mine.
Lustful moans can be heard from the girls bathroom. Several moments pass and Synonym steps out of bathroom wearing only his pants. It seem's that Fleur's Chamber of Secrets isn't such a secret to his wand anymore.

jasonC

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Thanks for the constructive critiques. Be happy I didn't include "Aloha more a" or "grim patronus"
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Aidebit

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Thank you @Bious & @Synonym for your critiques, it was a pleasure writing them for you.
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Bious

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Glad you all liked this.
If you want a more in-depth critique ask me.

Anyway, back to Mafia writeups next time. Maybe in November since that is Writers Month.
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jasonC

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@Bious yes please for a more in-depth critique
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